This post was emailed in by someone,  here it is………..

I have never actually screenprinted a tshirt….. but I have worn one.
I have never actually sold merch for a band….. but I have seen
people do it.
I have never settled or advanced a show…… but i sure have been to
a concert before.

Tshirt blanks purchased against bands first royalty check- $8K
Fat new bonus one of the higherups of the label received- $2,500,000.00
Having tons of overstock and terrible designs at the end of a tour and
shirts that even the bands friends and family wouldnt wear in the
webstore….. Priceless

A friend of mine was trying to warn me of impending doom. Not only is the world coming to an end, but Nike is now sponsoring tours with shoes so bands can walk from show to show to avoid high gas prices. Cotton prices are on the rise. The fuel and the declining dollar are increasing the cost of t-shirt blanks. Oh boy!

The cost of silk is going up because the silk worm is dying off so now screen charges will triple. With the water shortgages on the west coast, the cost of waterbased ink has doubled! Skyrocketing Fuel costs have made it so that bands can only play within a 5 mile radius of their hometown. This just in…. Sharpie sponsors tour date shirts, From now on to save money bands are no longer printing tour backs.

All road cases have been outfitted with Segways. If you want to change the merch industry invest in solar powered t-shirt boxes.

We’ve obtained a copy of the coveted merch deal from Warn#R Br@s that they are presenting to potential victims. Thanks to our in-house MOLE for this. Band name and Merch Company name has been altered.

Band X
Warn#R Br@s Merchandise Proposal
May 5, 2008
————————————————————————————
Territory: The Universe, Infinity, Black Hole

Term: One hundred (100) years from signature of deal memo, Or until the moment of death of last surviving member.

Rights: Exclusive Tour, Retail, Licensing, Internet sales, Sales to friends, monkeys, relatives, or any member of the human race.

Royalty Rates:
Retail – 0.115% of the wholesale selling price up to $4,999,999
Escalating to 0.116% when sales achieve $5,000,000 and up

Internet – 0.115% of selling price

Licensing – 100% of net receipts* (way better than any other company)

TOUR ROYALTIES

Tour: 11.145% of Net Profit

For the avoidance of all doubt, “Net Profit” shall be defined as gross sales of merchandise at concert engagements reduced by state sales and similar taxes, hall/vending fee’s, cost of goods sold, Warn#R Br@s merchandise manager salary and per diem, Warn#R Br@s merchandise manager expensive lodging and transportation, freight, security, food and shelter for all Warn#R Br@s employees and their families worldwide and all other bona-fide direct overhead expenses. Band X shall have no approval rights over expenditures and will be penalized monetarily for any inquiries. Band X shall have approval over Warn#R Br@s road staff that Warn#R Br@s hires for touring, providing that person is under 4’5”. However, Warn#R Br@s has no obligation to hire short road crew.

Artwork: Warn#R Br@s will give Band X a $5.00 artwork allowance for the creation of artwork for merchandise use. After the $5.00 allowance has been fulfilled Warn#R Br@s will charge Band X back for any fees incurred with a 29.99% interest rate, compounding daily.

Accounting: Sometime within 3 years of the end of each calendar quarter. Accounting periods are defined as each calendar quarter plus 1080 days.

Approvals:

1.) Warn#R Br@s will have full approval over artwork and concept of the entire merchandise line, including type, color and sizes of any wearable garment, size of printed logos on any product, however Band X may have the option to determine where they want their merchandise shipped to.

2.) Band X will have partial approval over artwork and concept of the entire merchandise line. However, Warn#R Br@s reserves the right to a full veto of any band wishes or directions.

Options**
*Warn#R Br@s has been out of the licencing business since Jan 1, 1976
** Warn#R Br@s will determine which option is best for Band X

All other forms per Warn#R Br@s incredibly long contract. No terms are negotiable

Approved: Warn#R Br@s Approved: Band X
================================================

Ok so, this isnt really a deal memo from Warner. Hope you got a nice chuckle from it. There were so many funny ways to go with this my head was spinning as I was writing.

Merchwar is working on a reality TV show thats a spin-off of ABC’s show “THE MOLE”.  Filming has already started. Who’s the MOLE at your company? ….you’d be surprised!

Bravado = Nah

Signatures = No

FEA = No way

Cinderblock = Sure

Merchdirect = Sure

Bandmerch = Maybe they used to be

Record Labels that start merch companies = Dont think so

The point of this post is that most busineess exists to make a profit. Thats not hard to understand. Maybe some smaller companies do start out with the intention of really helping the artist by providing a great service, or interesting ideas. But at some point those companies all become the same, neither one having any real competitive advantage over the other in regards to technology, or customer service, or product. The only clear advantage you can have is MONEY. Money to lock up the rights to as many artists as possible.

Years ago Bandmerch had a cool philosophy, “we refuse to give merch advances”. They had good ideas too. Artists and managers gravitated towards them in hopes their experience there would be different, exciting, whatever. It worked for a short period of time. But they didnt have the experienced personnel to keep it going. So realizing this, Bandmerch sells to AEG to have access to what? Money. Now their business plan is to go around offering advances to everyone, to abandon the very reaons why they started the company in the first place, they’ve become exaclty what they set out NOT TO BE.

I think “artist friendly” in the merchandise world in 2008 should mean more control back to the artist. Just because you give a artist an advance (why are people still doing this?), shouldnt mean you control everything! Or does it? Artists give up alot of control when they take an advance. Maybe they dont care? Maybe they need money? Maybe they dont think they’ll be relevant in a couple years? Maybe their managers are dumb and just want money too? Who knows, but for artists who really do SELL merch, taking an advance on merch almost never works out in their favor.

Now that record labels are doing 360 deals, they are essentially stealing more and more money from their artists only to prop up their dying businesses. Taking a cut of merchandise profit isnt going to save the music industry, but it will give any artist who signs a deal like this one more reason to hate their record label.

Apparently merch industry dummies Chris Siglin & Chris Cornell have combined forces and did an interesting direct licensing deal with Hot Topic for their bands. More details as we get them.

I was checking out Interscope Records website and clicked on the shop link.  They have webstores for some artists who no one really knows or cares about because they all suck. The pussy cat Dolls store has like 1000 items to choose from which is WEAK!!!!!!!! They should add at least 500 more and add more size selections, at least 10 different sizes of each item….and a bigger warehouse to keep all this inventory in.

BTW: Didnt Bandmerch used to do the Pussycat Dolls???

I’ve heard that major labels are retarded in regards to their own business but they are really retarded when it comes to merchandise. They think that just because they sign Soulja Boy (??) or Prima J (wtf??) to a 360 deal that they actually SHOULD go forward and produce the merch.  Their mentality is that well we have 1000 artists wrapped up in 360 deals so we will produce merch for all 1000 artists.  You gotta love it! One day, after labels realize that not all artists are “merch worthy” (i.e not worth the time), even if they sell a million CD;s, i mean downloads.  First off, rappers dont sell merch. Even 50 cent barely sells merch at concerts. Thats why they have their own clothing lines. So having a Soulja Boy webstore is a complete waste of time, and probably so are those other stores.

Question: If a record label signs a bands merchandise rights,  can the label then arbitrarily decide whether or not to go forward and produce merch for them? Bands will start getting emails that say: We are sorry to inform you that your record got shelved and your merch got closeted.

I’m sure all of you receieved that spam yesterday that Bandmerch was moving their empire to Encino to be in the trendy cool part of the valley, but mainly to be closer to all their clients.  If they wanted to be closer to their client they would have moved into their son from Linkin Parks house.

I heard the website Pickrset.com got an offer to be bought by Live NAtion for $1 million.  Pickrset.com is a cool site that makes no $$ but possibly could with the right investment as they have a cool niche.  It would be a good purchase for Live Nation to help expand into certain markets and other niches but apparently they want to buy it solely to shut it down.  They are scared of a little site. Go figure. Instead of buying them to help blow it up and put a spotlight on the cool idea and technology they just bought, they would rather just push it under the rug.

Smartpunk is for sale. Asking price $750,000. $150,000 in debt.  They have a good brand and the site looks great. Not sure how profitable it is though.

Merch now sold to Sony/Columbia. From what I hear they sold the record label as well which was probably the lions share of the value of that company. Merch now is basically just like any old average screen printer that you would find in almost any city in the country so beyond a couple of screen printing presses and a few tubs of ink there is no value there. I would say Sony probably made a bad deal. But hey, at least now when they sign a band to a 360 deal they can say they also own a couple printing machines and some jugs of ink. Classic, my 14 year old cousin just started a printshop in his parents garage. Maybe I should see if Sony/Columbia would be interested in buying his printshop?

Looks like Paramore is fuming mad about now having any zip Hoodies for their headlining appearance at Bamboozle in NJ last weekend. I would be too since weather reports were showing it would be cold and raining 10 days in advance of that show.  When other bands were selling over 200 hoodies, they sold 0.   They should call their merch company Warner Bros Records, wait no, thats a record label. Actually Atlantic does their merch, wait theyre a record label too but they own Fueled by Ramen which is also a record label that does merch too. The band ended up saying Fuck It because when they called Warner Bros Records, no one there knew anything about zip hoodies and apparently someone responded with “Honey, we have alot bigger problems goin on right now than having to worry about your little jackets…”.

Manhead Merch which is owned by Chris Cornell is rumored to be in talks with Bravado about doing a deal. Lord knows how that would help the merch industry but Bravado has their checkbook open and is throwing money around at anything that moves.

Cinderblock is still looking for someone to buy their declining business.

Bandmerch has taken a huge hit since the departure of Matt Young. All of his bands left when he did. That goes to show you that there is still some loyalty in the business.  If Bandmerch can hire some experienced employees there they may be able to not fall apart. Their employee turnover rate is ridiculously high and apparently the working enviornment is extremely chaotic.

Manager:         knock knock…

Me::    who’s there?

Manager:     my band

Me:    my band who?

Manager:  my band looking for their online store! You said it would only take 2 days to build it out. What you got for me?

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

my email reply the next day after sending the webstore link to approve……….

Me: Knock Knock

Manager: Who’s There?

Me: When are you gonna approve the webstore?  I sent it over yesterday.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Got this response the next day….
Dude I need a few days to go over this. I will hit you with some changes soon.

Still Waiting…………………….