1. Pick a name that has “merch” in it.  Does it pay to be that obvious?  Apparently so since 70% of the companies formed in the last 10 years have elected to go this route.
2. Find people that call themselves graphic artists via a clever trade name like “You, Me, and Joe Smith Design” or “Evolution Revolver”.  Look for artists who can take clip art, copyrighted images, and other content available on the web and put them together in semi-unique ways under (or over, or beside) your client’s band logos.  If the artist constantly delivers the art files under size and resolution, you know you’ve found a good one.
3. Set up a Pay Pal account.  Only buy from and sell to people who use Pay Pal.
4. Start an online store with a shareware shopping cart.  Make sure you display the American Apparel logo on the site, and take care to ensure that all of your featured products are on dubious looking models.  Make sure you copy your website FAQ’s from the merchandise company that started just before you, but delete some important stuff so they become even more watered down for the next company when they steal it from you.
5. Settle for as many non-exclusive deals as you can and then encourage your bands to sign with other companies as well so the marketplace becomes confusing.
6. Notwithstanding step “5”, become the exclusive merchandise partner for a record label.
7. Convince yourself you can sell a shit ton of your label partner’s own branded merchandise and then over-produce it.
8. Talk as much shit as you can on Merchwar. Badmouth everyone except your enemies to keep people off of your trail.
9. Start a clothing line.  Make sure it is at least 85% similar to your competition.  Practice incredible self sabotage by pushing your “cool-standards” so far into the stratosphere that there is not one person (or retailer) in the known universe that has a chance of being remotely cool enough to qualify as a customer.
10. Get a booth at Bamboozle.  Even if you sell nothing tell everyone that you “killed it”.  Be sure to wake up hung-over, bloody, and confused in one of the hotel lobbies.  This industry needs new stories of excess & debauchery.
    

Good luck.

1.  Merchandising is not the music business, it’s the apparel business.  Besides, no matter how much the lop label executives try, they will not be able to swallow their pride enough to embrace a business they would have rather pissed on 10 years ago.  And to those conglomerates who owned themselves a Giant, Winterland, or Niceman back in the day - that doesn’t count towards the new paradigm.

2.  You have less leverage than you think because you are increasingly becoming unnecessary.  Very soon, even a monkey will be able to effectively distribute music online.  So why would a band trade an additional 359.5 “degrees” of themselves in exchange for a record deal?  Besides, the real merchandise companies have always been happy to cover a bands short term cash needs with less exploitive terms.

3.  If I could be a fly on the wall and watch a major label merchandise strategy meeting, my guess is that it resembles a 12 year old dousing an anthill with gasoline and lighting it on fire.

4. Labels:  Do you really think that your best case fractional ownership of the merchandise market will come close to equalizing your loss in music revenue?

5.  The real merchandise companies will push back and win.  They have the tools, the drive, and quite frankly much more experience in many aspects of the industry. Maybe some of you will be lucky and they will hire you to administer their publishing companies.

That should not only apply to rock stars but to the pioneers and geriatrics
in the merch biz.  So I hereby propose this.  Instituting an age limit of
54.  Once you hit that, you merch company presidents, consultants and hanger
ons should hit the pavement…or dirt, cause you are no longer relevent.

So I am calling out furano, lubin, perry, sokoloff, drinkwater, fingerette
and any others to just hang it up.  I mean your offspring are telling you
what to do anyways and are trying to make it without having any actual
experience or knowledge.  For years you’ve had that trusty left hand man (or
gal) guiding every signing….but let’s face it, there’s no way they could
ever be relevant either.

Time to make way for the new young bucks who are already causing waves and
actually signing bands that the kids want to listen to and buy shirts for.
I mean anyone can sell a Led Zeppelin shirt to, well, anyone.  But it takes
actual skill to be able to scout, sign and correctly merchandise a band who
doesn’t even have a record deal, but has 4 million myspace plays on like 5
different tracks. You old dudes can barely read emails, much less understand
what a “pop” color is.  You have to be able to think outside the box, and
its just not physically attainable once you’ve passed 53 years and 364 days.

For all in favor of ratifying this important merchandising legislation,
please indicate your vote.

I have never actually screenprinted a tshirt….. but I have worn one.
I have never actually sold merch for a band….. but I have seen
people do it.
I have never settled or advanced a show…… but i sure have been to
a concert before.

Tshirt blanks purchased against bands first royalty check- $8K
Fat new bonus one of the higherups of the label received- $2,500,000.00
Having tons of overstock and terrible designs at the end of a tour and
shirts that even the bands friends and family wouldnt wear in the
webstore….. Priceless

The cost of silk is going up because the silk worm is dying off so now screen charges will triple. With the water shortgages on the west coast, the cost of waterbased ink has doubled! Skyrocketing Fuel costs have made it so that bands can only play within a 5 mile radius of their hometown. This just in…. Sharpie sponsors tour date shirts, From now on to save money bands are no longer printing tour backs.

All road cases have been outfitted with Segways. If you want to change the merch industry invest in solar powered t-shirt boxes.

Band X
Warn#R Br@s Merchandise Proposal
May 5, 2008
————————————————————————————
Territory: The Universe, Infinity, Black Hole

Term: One hundred (100) years from signature of deal memo, Or until the moment of death of last surviving member.

Rights: Exclusive Tour, Retail, Licensing, Internet sales, Sales to friends, monkeys, relatives, or any member of the human race.

Royalty Rates:
Retail - 0.115% of the wholesale selling price up to $4,999,999
Escalating to 0.116% when sales achieve $5,000,000 and up

Internet - 0.115% of selling price

Licensing - “ 100% of net receipts* (way better than any other company)

TOUR ROYALTIES

Tour: 11.145% of Net Profit

For the avoidance of all doubt, “Net Profit” shall be defined as gross sales of merchandise at concert engagements reduced by state sales and similar taxes, hall/vending fee’s, cost of goods sold, Warn#R Br@s merchandise manager salary and per diem, Warn#R Br@s merchandise manager expensive lodging and transportation, freight, security, food and shelter for all Warn#R Br@s employees and their families worldwide and all other bona-fide direct overhead expenses. Band X shall have no approval rights over expenditures and will be penalized monetarily for any inquiries. Band X shall have approval over Warn#R Br@s road staff that Warn#R Br@s hires for touring, providing that person is under 5 feet tall. However, Warn#R Br@s has no obligation to hire short road crew.

Artwork: Warn#R Br@s will give Band X a $5.00 artwork allowance for the creation of artwork for merchandise use. After the $5.00 allowance has been fulfilled Warn#R Br@s will charge Band X back for any fees incurred with a 29.99% interest rate, compounding daily.

Accounting: Sometime within 3 years of the end of each calendar quarter. Accounting periods are defined as each calendar quarter plus 1080 days.

Approvals:

1.) Warn#R Br@s will have full approval over artwork and concept of the entire merchandise line, including type, color and sizes of any wearable garment, size of printed logos on any product, however Band X may have the option to determine where they want their merchandise shipped to.

2.) Band X will have partial approval over artwork and concept of the entire merchandise line. However, Warn#R Br@s reserves the right to a full veto of any band wishes or directions.

Options**
*Warn#R Br@s has been out of the licencing business since Jan 1, 1976
** Warn#R Br@s will determine which option is best for Band X

All other forms per Warn#R Br@s incredibly long contract. No terms are negotiable

Approved: Warn#R Br@s Approved: Band X
========================================

Signatures = No

FEA = No way

Cinderblock = Sure

Merchdirect = Sure

Bandmerch = Maybe they used to be

Record Labels that start merch companies = Dont think so

The point of this post is that most busineess exists to make a profit. Thats not hard to understand. Maybe some smaller companies do start out with the intention of really helping the artist by providing a great service, or interesting ideas. But at some point those companies all become the same, neither one having any real competitive advantage over the other in regards to technology, or customer service, or product. The only clear advantage you can have is MONEY. Money to lock up the rights to as many artists as possible.

Years ago Bandmerch had a cool philosophy, “we refuse to give merch advances”. They had good ideas too. Artists and managers gravitated towards them in hopes their experience there would be different, exciting, whatever. It worked for a short period of time. But they didnt have the experienced personnel to keep it going. So realizing this, Bandmerch sells to AEG to have access to what? Money. Now their business plan is to go around offering advances to everyone, to abandon the very reaons why they started the company in the first place, they’ve become exaclty what they set out NOT TO BE.

I think “artist friendly” in the merchandise world in 2008 should mean more control back to the artist. Just because you give a artist an advance (why are people still doing this?), shouldnt mean you control everything! Or does it? Artists give up alot of control when they take an advance. Maybe they dont care? Maybe they need money? Maybe they dont think they’ll be relevant in a couple years? Maybe their managers are dumb and just want money too? Who knows, but for artists who really do SELL merch, taking an advance on merch almost never works out in their favor.

Now that record labels are doing 360 deals, they are essentially stealing more and more money from their artists only to prop up their dying businesses. Taking a cut of merchandise profit isnt going to save the music industry, but it will give any artist who signs a deal like this one more reason to hate their record label.