Archive for April, 2009

The Smoking Gun

Tuesday, April 28th, 2009
THE SMOKING GUN

We’ve recently uncovered this internal e-mail from the president of a major label to the entire A&R and marketing staff.  Like Edward Liddy, the CEO of AIG, we’ve decided to keep names confidential to make sure that when those in the know read this, they don’t go crazy and stake out the homes of the guilty.

February 12, 2009

To:              A&R Staff, Marketing Department

CC:              [Deleted], [Deleted]

From:            [Deleted]

RE:  Commitment to Artist Merchandising

Dear Team,

As you all know, securing the merchandise rights for Artists that we sign to the label has become increasingly important to our overall strategy.   Despite what Live Nation may claim, we all know that we created the 360 Deal first, and it is our job to perpetuate this strategy more effectively than the competition. To be sure, we’ve taken our licks, like the time when we launched [Deleted]’s web-store with 400 products and only managed to gross $300, but I think we can all learn from our mistakes and forge on.

After countless hours of meetings (of which I’ve unfortunately missed due to obligations I had with my contractor and my wife’s charity), we’ve reached a few milestones with respect to setting up the infrastructure of our merchandise operation.  As outlined:

1)   WE NOW HAVE A LOCK ON HOT TOPIC – In the past few weeks we have secured a Hot Topic vendor number.  After our sales team had 6 meetings with the Hot Topic buying team, we have reached an agreement whereby Hot Topic will give us test orders for any of our Artists that have been requested by Hot Topic customers.  Thanks to [Deleted] and her team for driving this hard bargain; I expect it to pay dividends in the future.

2)   WE NOW HAVE A LOCK ON [DELETED] SCREENPRINTING - We have also arranged for [deleted] Screenprinting to be our preferred Hot Topic manufacturer. [Deleted] has also agreed to pre-ticket and pack our orders, which I believe gives us a competitive advantage over our competitors.  Further, we have negotiated reduced screen charges for orders over 10,000 units, which should lead to considerable cost savings.

3)   WE NOW HAVE A LOCK ON CONCERT VENDING – As some of you may know, EMI (Event Merchandising, Inc.) has agreed to be our exclusive vendor for tour merchandise in the buildings that they have concession rights for. In what I believe to be an unprecedented deal, they have agreed to relieve us of the local sales tax liability and vend our merchandise at the rate pre-negotiated by the Artist’s booking agent.  This is good news, as I am confident that our Artist’s booking agents are team players and feel a tremendous responsibility to makes sure the vending fees are as low as possible.

4)   WE NOW HAVE A LOCK ON PREFFERED T-SHIRT PRICING – We established our merchandise division over a year ago now, and it seems that the major mills and blank t-shirt dealers now realize we are a serious player. As of March 1st, we will be granted case pricing and free freight on any orders that are over 6 dozen t-shirts.   Let’s take advantage of this, stock up quickly and buy as many shirts as we can for future use.

5)   WE NOW HAVE A LOCK ON THE BEST MUSIC BEING CREATED IN THE WORLD – As the A&R Team knows, we are preparing a new slate of signings representing the best of the best in the Urban Contemporary, Singer-Songwriter, and Dance genres.  All of these Artists are signing to the label under 360 deals.   Though we need to acknowledge that we’ve had a little trouble signing established, rock & roll, and country acts to 360 deals, I feel confident that the tide will turn when we prove ourselves with the Artists we have signed to the 360 model.

I believe that the above represent the 5 keys to the future. As we move further into 2009, I want to remind everyone of our commitment to merchandising. I truly believe that Artists understand the economy, are sympathetic to our plight, and understand our ability for synergy & honesty despite our past reputation and corporate bureaucracy.   After all, we are the strong, and the strong will survive.

Let’s go kick some major ass!!!!

Regards,

[Deleted]

How to start a merchandise company

Wednesday, April 1st, 2009

A Merchandise Company in 10 Easy Steps (a/k/a Be Honest With Yourself, Some Of These Apply To You)

  1. Pick a name that has “merch” in it.  Does it pay to be that obvious?  Apparently so since 70% of the companies formed in the last 10 years have elected to go this route.
  2. Find people that call themselves graphic artists via a clever trade name like “You, Me, and Joe Smith Design” or “Evolution Revolver”.  Look for artists who can take clip art, copyrighted images, and other content available on the web and put them together in semi-unique ways under (or over, or beside) your client’s band logos.  If the artist constantly delivers the art files under size and resolution, you know you’ve found a good one.
  3. Set up a Pay Pal account.  Only buy from and sell to people who use Pay Pal.
  4. Start an online store with a shareware shopping cart.  Make sure you display the American Apparel logo on the site, and take care to ensure that all of your featured products are on dubious looking models.  Make sure you copy your website FAQ’s from the merchandise company that started just before you, but delete some important stuff so they become even more watered down for the next company when they steal it from you.
  5. Settle for as many non-exclusive deals as you can and then encourage your bands to sign with other companies as well so the marketplace becomes confusing.
  6. Notwithstanding step “5”, become the exclusive merchandise partner for a record label.
  7. Convince yourself you can sell a shit ton of your label partner’s own branded merchandise and then over-produce it.
  8. Talk as much shit as you can on Merchwar. Badmouth everyone except your enemies to keep people off of your trail.
  9. Start a clothing line.  Make sure it is at least 85% similar to your competition.  Practice incredible self sabotage by pushing your “cool-standards” so far into the stratosphere that there is not one person (or retailer) in the known universe that has a chance of being remotely cool enough to qualify as a customer.
  10. Get a booth at Bamboozle.  Even if you sell nothing tell everyone that you “killed it”.  Be sure to wake up hung-over, bloody, and confused in one of the hotel lobbies.  This industry needs new stories of excess & debauchery.


Good luck.